Monday, 6 September 2010


My brother says he won’t come to our cousin’s wedding because his children aren’t invited: isn’t part of the marriage service about the procreation of children, so why would you exclude them? (He was in full grumpy old man mode.)

Of course, they’re not excluded. Cousin’s nephew and niece are certainly attending, and there may well be others, but can he really be expected to include his six first cousins their 5 spouses and their 10 children? By not inviting the children, but inviting his uncles and aunts he has also removed the obvious child carers, Granny, and reduced at a stroke the number of guests needing entertaining. I am torn between the waste of an occasion when we can’t get the next generation together and my understanding of the need to keep the numbers down.
When we got married there were few children around (and some of them were my first cousins!) so they came, or didn’t, according to their parents. But I’m as guilty as the next woman of thinking hard who to invite to occasions… 'though I tend to include the children and restrict the invitations accordingly. More children mean fewer adults! I’d have been disappointed not to be asked at all, but when your parent is one of 4, and their mother was one of 5 you will understand that there is a large extended family out there!
So no outfits needed for my girls, and I’ve remodelled the dress I wore to the last wedding we went to (a very intimate affair that included the children of the people who attended), don’t know what to do about a hat. Now I like a hat but haven’t one to go with this outfit. Do I shop or go without? If it’s going to rain I’m better off without, and the high heels in a marquee may be a mistake.


Millennium Housewife said...

Don't do the heels in the marquee! Take flip flops, magic little things. I'm always suspicious of people who take such offence at their children not being invited to things, are they insecure without them? A nice excuse for some child free partying I always think x

Gill said...

I had this same conversation with a friend yesterday and we reached the conclusion that were we presented with the choice these days, we'd choose a small intimate wedding with only the nearest and dearest, to be followed by a huge party afterwards, to which Rag, Tag and Bobtail could be invited (along with Pip, Squeak and Wilfred if they wanted to come too) But church weddings are best with a church full of family and friends, aren't they?
What a dilemma.

(my word verification this time is "pubschag", a rather dodgy word to follow a happy post about weddings. Interesting they've gone for the German spelling in your honour!)

Sarah said...

I think the bride and groom should be able to invite who they want, and if children are not invited, it's usually for a good reason - cost/space and/or childcare issues.

There's no point getting offended. Either you accept the invitation or you don't, but no one should be telling the bride and groom, who are paying, who they should invite.

Weddings don't come cheap, do they?!
As MH says too, it's great to be without the kids!

hausfrau said...

Thank-you MH for the advice about the heels: I think I will wear them for church and take a little pair of flats for the marquee.
I'm sure Sarah is right it should be entirely up to the bride and groom - and they don't know our children from Adam, well, Eve - and I love an occasion sans children, it's just that, like Gill, I think of a wedding as about family.
Luckily the wedding is near us so we shall have Granny and her sister staying. Eldest is going to spend Saturday afternoon making Danish pastries for an open house brunch on the Sunday for anyone staying in the area, so we'll get a family occasion of our own. Of course that will only include my children as the others will presumeably be farmed out at home.

projectforty said...

I tend to agree about it being the bride and groom's choice and then, of course, for the invitees to make their decision accordingly.

My word check is: mateswel

interesting for a post about marriage!

projectforty said...

PS: high-heeled wedges are good on grass. I watched 'Blondie' at Westonbirt in mine...

hausfrau said...

I'm afraid I can't get over the memory of the wedges and platforms I owned as a teenager which I soon discovered were very passe! Nor can I justify the expense of another shoe - there are already more pairs in the wardrobe than I wear since the requirements of this hausfrau's life rarely go beyond jeans. (I often think how grown-up my jeans would look with a heel/smart flat but generally the thought of country lanes and striding out help me see sense.)
My dictionary rarely contains any of the unusual words displayed in the verification box: are they real?